I have read so many studies that seem to confirm women's love of "romantic erotica" versus "porn" and as a female I wonder why this has never been true for me. I guess when it comes to overall attraction I do feel drawn to a broader criteria that includes things like being a good father, romantic foreplay, social status etc. I find these things "sexy" but I would hope men also consider more than how a woman's butt looks when they are seeking a deeper level attraction.
When contemplating deeper attraction, I suspect men are also drawn to subtle nuances like the way a woman presents herself socially and find her more subtle story line traits sexy, even if they aren't reading romantic books about it.
I guess maybe I view these studies as measuring two different things in men vs women and comparing them as if they were the same. It seems like the studies measure overall and complex attraction in women and simplistic sexual arousal in men. I love a good romantic comedy film but I also like a good straight up porn.
Thoughts and Memories
I have attraction fantasies that are more romantic in nature and I have straight sexual fantasies that omit any story lines. True attraction is complex and I personally find romance novels do a poor job of capturing this with such heavy use of cliches. If they try to capture straight sexual arousal, in my opinion, this also is usually not very compelling when descriptions are merely suggestive vs explicit.
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Still, I do know many women who enjoy reading these books I just question the conclusions studies have drawn from this fact. Maybe I am an exception and studies conclusions about women's more complex arousal are correct but I think women need to step up and admit that we like explicit sexual content as much as men. A woman seeking a romantic fantasy might read a romance novel and there could be some sexual components to that experience but I doubt pure sexual arousal is the purpose of her reading.
A woman seeking a strictly sexual fantasy, I think, is just as likely as a a man to watch "porn" although maybe this isn't reported honestly in studies and the fact that many women like "erotica" as well leads to misconceptions that this is always a women's preferred outlet for sexual arousal or that we don't experience more simply defined "horniness" where we just want to focus on a man's physical attributes.
Personally, If I am watching a porn I sure don't want to sit through a plot line and would prefer to see genitals instead of faces. In fact, seeing faces is sometimes disturbing as it automatically draws me to consider who the actresses and actors are in real life.
Nothing is more of a turn off than imagining real story lines like what probable abuse a porno actress suffered to be so willing to have sex on film for money If at times I wish to completely avoid faces I can also get sexually aroused by pornographic literature and maybe this less visual outlet is more appreciated by women than men. Make no mistake though, the literature I read for sexual arousal is not "erotica" or in any way romantic, it is explicit pornographic writing and if there is even a slight plot line needed to set the scene, I skip right over it to get to the good stuff:.
I'm a psych major actually which is why I'm here to begin with interest , and also why lately I've been reading so much stuff about sex research, porn "addiction", male vs.
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I can spend WAY longer online just reading stuff of interest on such topics than I ever have on 'actual' online sexual content or porn. I wonder if this supports my belief that men are oversexualized socially; not so much in a sense "hyper"-sexualized as much as "take whatever is there and amplify it 10 times. And I can't say either of us are lacking in sex drive, really, particularly if you add in the fact most of our conversations are sexual, of some sort -- usually a mix of the intellectual end of it, like the porn conversation bit I mentioned, and actual personal sexual interest, like "I was at this cafe the other day and this woman was sitting a few tables away So, it's very much like the reverse of the whole thing about women being expected to "repress" things.
I bet a lot of it is entirely unconscious, in everyone's case, which tends to complicate most all discussion on relevant topics And you're right, the way the author describes female attraction in many ways more closely resembles myself-- noticing the face, smile, eyes, entire body form, etc.. That technically is bordering on fetishism :P and again from most men I actually have gotten onto this topic with, they don't seem to go along with that as well.
Along the same lines, I can find a face alone arousing! FYI for anyone who's interested look up the info on human female breasts and face-to-face sexual interaction, kind of tells you facial features are important too.. Doesn't this all seem to conflict with the way men are portrayed or often portray themselves online? A lot like caricatures, IMO Anyway another part of this I hardly ever see mentioned, is the idea that men can be turned on by anything other than porn I dunno, the Sports Illustrated cover girls? Thanks for your response. I think it perfectly illustrates the other side of the same coin.
My point about women also having more primal and simple pornographic attractions is further validated by your point that men also have more complex and erotic attractions. There may be some evidence towards men's preference for visual forms of arousal but this does not exclude woman from also seeking visual arousal nor does it exclude men from enjoying non-visual stimulations. I believe if the studies were less biased from the start and actually set out to measure the same form of defined "attraction" in both men and women, small differences in preferences for straight sexual arousal would be quite insignificant.
It seems to me that both sexes experience complex attraction and within that attraction, also experience more simplistic arousals in the form of pornography visual and otherwise. BTW, happy to hear you are studying psychology. Do you plan to pursue a clinical career?
Although there are many male contributers on this website and in academic fields of psychology, as a practicing mental health counselor I find there are still fewer male clinicians, particularly young male clinicians.
Can't Get Enough
You are much needed:. Thank you for having honesty, integrity, and open mindedness- and speaking true to your individual experience. The other thing I take issue is this whole obsession with "Alpha males". I think most people want someone that's confident, but I don't need an alpha jerk trying to take control of the relationship or trying to boss me around.
I've never found these "alpha males" attractive in any way. I guess I just think two people should stand on equal foot in a relationship. First, the erotica genre and the romance novel are two distinctly different things. Sometimes they overlap; some romances are more focused on the erotic than others. But still. Check with the publishers, or simply scan Amazon. It's like hard-core pornography versus soft-core versus a romantic comedy.
I'm willing to believe that there's evidence that many women trend toward erotic literature over life-action pornography. I'm not willing to believe you can draw any cause and effect or conclusions from that such as "what works for women isn't what works for men" Since you're making it it up, it would be as valid to suggest that women are so sensitive to sexual stimulation that they don't require explicit visual stimulation.
PS: I'm a woman who does sometimes read romances. However, when I'm looking for that certain kind of stimulation, I head to literotica or one of the many 'tubes. I know that's anecdotal, but I can't help but wonder if you've ever spoken to a woman. I actually prefer pornography than erotica, if there is such a distinction between the two. I find erotica boring and dull. It really depends on the person; it is objective, different people will have different tastes. But as a young female in her 20s, I think the 'straight to the point' pornography does it for me more than the slow and gentle erotica.
However, saying that.. So perhaps there are differences in hypothetical scenarios and real life scenarios?
Why sex and love don’t belong in the same bed
Real Deal: Thank you, thank you, thank you! Everything I was thinking. I hate biased evolutionary psychology that makes over arching generalizations and assumptions. Humans all have complex romantic and sexual needs and desires which cannot be so easily generalized. Choosing a mate and choosing someone to go home with at the end of the night are not the same thing. I dated a guy once who believed this crap He assumed I was an anomaly. He also told me that 'all men' talk degradingly about women behind their backs and that I just didn't know my male friends were doing it because they all hid it from me and their girlfriends.
It didn't matter that I've had intelligent, raunchy, yet respectful discussions about sex, porn preferences, sexuality and gender with many of my male friends. He KNEW, because they all shared penises, how my friends acted and thought.
Just Can't Get Enough () - SuperMusicVision
I know they don't all go around telling each other how their girlfriends 'let them come all over her face' or talking about the co workers they would bang and how they would do it. These kind of articles are as degrading to men as they are to women. While some men do act that way it has more to do with socialization than physical gender. This man was obsessed with being 'manly' and relationships were about game playing to win feminine affections for sex.
He couldn't be real with women because we are clearly practically a different species! Unfortunately the kind of thinking presented in this article just reinforces the 'othering' that causes problems between men and women.
Fortunately many men are capable of seeing women as whole people just as many women enjoy a good dirty romp in the sack. Check out pictures of clitorises up close. Little wee penises with little helmets and everything! Also containing all the same nerves as their male counterparts and more. I would love to see some unbiased research in arousal.
There may well be differences in males vs females due to physical variation but I'd wager porn will fill any erectile tissue with blood regardless of gender. It's like because we can't see it it just doesn't matter, or exist. I found Ogas and Gaddam's research on male sexuality, as revealed by web searches, fascinating. But I didn't think they did very well at understanding female sexuality.
Possibly because I'm a woman who despises romance novels. They presented a convincing case that men are turned on by looking at sexual displays of women's breasts, butts, and feet.